hey

I turned 45 and my whole life seemed to have turned upside down. Suddenly I was being cosmically reunited with passions that used to fuel my spirit. Maybe because I've experienced so much loss over the last 5 years. Maybe because I never felt middle-aged until this number crept up on me. Maybe because I had just lost the most precious person in my life, my beloved grandmother, and a piece of my soul could not return from that loss.

Add on top of this, covid, sheltering in place, being a disaster service worker; and watching my social media feed fill with so many voices suddenly in support of black lives as if something finally clicked, as if every black death that came before #georgefloyd was somehow justified; undeserving of the same compassionate inquiry.

Aching to express these losses and desires, hopes and outrage; and a call to be alive AND living, elevates me now from wanting to write to needing to write.

~ in solidarity towards a common humanity

/qianya